Dad Jokes 😂

182 Dad Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Chuckle

1. You see, mountains aren't just funny. They are hill areas.
2. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
3. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1
4. What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone.
5. Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now we just have to call him Dav.
6. How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!
7. Why did the melons plan a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!
8. How do you steal a coat? You jacket.
9. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long
10. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
11. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives
12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.
13. What time is it? I don't know... it keeps changing.
14. Why is seven bigger than nine? Because seven ate nine.
15. Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads "Small medium at large."
16. My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions.
17. How does a French skeleton say hello? Bone-jour.
18. What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep? A bah-humbug.
19. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
20. What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat.
21. What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.
22. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
23. Why is peter pan always flying? Because he neverlands
24. Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!
25. What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
26. What's black and white and read all over? The newspaper.
27. What is the tallest building in the world? The library, it’s got the most stories!
28. What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
29. Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
30. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
31. How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew
32. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
33. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
34. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
35. What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.
36. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents.
37. Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
38. Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital? The hip Doctor!
39. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Damn!
40. Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic.
41. what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? a labracadabrador
42. What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...
43. What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business!
44. Why do choirs keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tune
45. Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty
46. What do you call a singing Laptop? A Dell
47. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.
48. What do you call someone with no nose? Nobody knows.
49. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
50. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
51. What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.
52. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
53. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
54. What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahahaha.
55. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!
56. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory
57. What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain.
58. Well... That’s a deep subject.
59. What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO.
60. What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.
61. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
62. How do the trees get on the internet? They log on.
63. What biscuit does a short person like? Shortbread.
64. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
65. Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world? It was legend dairy.
66. Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
67. What did one snowman say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot?
68. Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.
69. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans
70. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!
71. What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
72. Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie.
73. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
74. What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.
75. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
76. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
77. Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
78. What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake!
79. Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog? Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.
80. Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon.
81. Why didn’t the orange win the race? It ran out of juice.
82. How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning? He was a good conductor.
83. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom!
84. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
85. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
86. Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
87. How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training
88. Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.
89. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
90. What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig
91. Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall? To prove that he was framed!
92. Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It's two-tired.
93. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
94. What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.
95. What do ghosts call their true love? Their ghoul-friend
96. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
97. What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented? Lil Caesars
98. Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
99. What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
100. What do you do when you see a space man? Park your car, man.
101. Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside.
102. Did you hear about the runner who was criticized? He just took it in stride
103. Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
104. What do you give to a lemon in need? Lemonaid.
105. What do you call two barracuda fish? A Pairacuda!
106. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
107. I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
108. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they're just a bit shady.
109. A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says... I'm sorry, we don't serve food here
110. 99.9% of the people are dumb! Fortunately I belong to the remaining 1%
111. Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
112. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive West.
113. How many seconds are in a year? 12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc
114. Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive...
115. I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on ‘high’ I couldn’t turn it down.
116. What do you call a suspicious looking laptop? Asus
117. What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
118. I can't tell if i like this blender... It keeps giving me mixed results.
119. Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again
120. Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet.
121. Do you know what the word 'was' was initially? Before was was was was was is.
122. How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
123. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
124. What did Michael Jackson name his denim store? Billy Jeans!
125. What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An ion!
126. What did one nut say as he chased another nut? I'm a cashew!
127. What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator? A Fermilabrador Retriever.
128. A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?" Pop,goes the weasel.
129. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
130. What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.
131. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
132. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away
133. Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it.
134. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us.
135. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
136. Why did the house go to the doctor? It was having window panes.
137. What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
138. Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships? So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.
139. What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn.
140. Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man.
141. Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.
142. What did the Red light say to the Green light? Don't look at me I'm changing!
143. What did the shy pebble wish for? That she was a little boulder.
144. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
145. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
146. Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal.
147. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... It's impossible to put down
148. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
149. What do elves post on Social Media? Elf-ies.
150. What does a female snake use for support? A co-Bra!
151. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrr!
152. What do I look like? A JOKE MACHINE!?
153. Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station.
154. What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
155. What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!
156. Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast.
157. Why did the kid throw the watch out the window? So time would fly.
158. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
159. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose? Hare spray.
160. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
161. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
162. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store... Does that make you an iWitness?
163. How many bones are in the human hand? A handful of them.
164. How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!
165. What kind of music do welders like? Heavy metal.
166. What did the dog say to the two trees? Bark bark.
167. Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate.
168. What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.
169. What do you get hanging from Apple trees? Sore arms.
170. Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.
171. A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag. I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'
172. What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
173. Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet? But most just have 4.
174. Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
175. Why can't bicycles stand on their own? They are two tired
176. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
177. If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there? European
178. Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day? To prevent bat breath!
179. What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo jeans.
180. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind...it's tearable
181. Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it's indivisible.
182. Don't look at the eclipse through a colander. You'll strain your eyes.

---

Dad Jokes 101: How to Make Your Family and Friends Groan and Laugh

Do you enjoy making puns and wordplays that are so bad they're good? Do you like to annoy and amuse your loved ones with your cheesy humor? If you answered yes, then you might be a fan of dad jokes.

Dad jokes are a special kind of jokes that are usually told by fathers, but not exclusively. They are often simple, silly, and predictable, but that's what makes them funny. In this blog post, we will explore the art of dad jokes, how to create your own, and why they are good for you.

What is a dad joke?

A dad joke is a joke that is based on a pun or a wordplay that is intentionally corny or cheesy. Unlike a regular joke, which is more witty or clever, a dad joke is more about making the audience groan or roll their eyes than laugh out loud. However, some people might find dad jokes hilarious, especially if they appreciate the absurdity and irony of them.

For example, here is a regular joke:

This joke is funny because it uses a double meaning of the word boogie (a dance move and a slang term for nasal mucus) to create a surprising and humorous punchline.

Here is a dad joke:

This joke is funny because it uses a homonym (a word that has the same spelling or pronunciation as another word but a different meaning) to create an unexpected twist. The word mugged can mean either attacked or drank from a mug, but the latter is more likely in the context of coffee. The joke is also funny because it implies that the coffee is sentient and can file a police report, which is absurd.

Here are some more examples of dad jokes and why they are funny:

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. This joke is funny because it uses a homophone (a word that sounds like another word) to create a pun. The word sofishticated sounds like sophisticated, which means refined or elegant, but with the word fish inserted in it. The joke is also funny because it creates a visual image of a fish wearing a bowtie, which is ridiculous.

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese. This joke is funny because it uses a phrase that sounds like another phrase to create a pun. The phrase nacho cheese sounds like not your cheese, which means cheese that belongs to someone else. The joke is also funny because it uses a type of cheese (nacho cheese) that is commonly used in Mexican cuisine, which adds some cultural flavor to it.

How do you make a snowman smile? Give him a carrot. This joke is funny because it uses a common item that is associated with snowmen (a carrot) to create an unexpected punchline. The joke implies that the carrot is not used for the snowman's nose, as it usually is, but for his mouth, which makes him smile. The joke is also funny because it anthropomorphizes the snowman and gives him emotions, which is silly.

How to create your own dad jokes

If you want to create your own dad jokes, here are some tips to help you:

• Use synonyms, antonyms, rhymes, or acronyms to make puns. For example, you can say "What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear." This joke uses a synonym (gummy) to make a pun on the word bear. You can also say "What do you call a fish that wears glasses? A see bass." This joke uses an antonym (see) to make a pun on the word bass. You can also say "What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent." This joke uses a rhyme (serpent) to make a pun on the phrase civil servant. You can also say "What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer." This joke uses an acronym (IDEA) to make a pun on the phrase no idea.
• Use common phrases or expressions and change one word to make them funny. For example, you can say "Don't trust atoms, they make up everything." This joke changes the word everything to everything, which means all matter in the universe. You can also say "The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense." This joke changes the word tense to tense, which means grammatical forms that indicate time. You can also say "What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite." This joke changes the word frostbite to frostbite, which means a condition caused by exposure to cold.
• Use wordplay to create jokes that are relevant to your audience or situation. For example, if you are talking to a teacher, you can say "What do you call a teacher who doesn't fart in public? A private tutor." This joke uses a wordplay on the word tutor, which means a teacher or a sound of flatulence. You can also say "What do you call a fish that teaches math? An algebracuda." This joke uses a wordplay on the word algebracuda, which combines algebra and barracuda. You can also say "What do you call a dog that likes to paint? A Picaso." This joke uses a wordplay on the name Picasso, which is a famous painter and a type of dog (pug).

Why dad jokes are good for you

Dad jokes might seem corny or cheesy, but they are actually good for you. Here are some benefits of dad jokes for your mental health and social relationships:

• Dad jokes can make you laugh, which is good for your mood and stress relief. Laughing can release endorphins, which are hormones that make you feel happy and relaxed. Laughing can also lower your blood pressure, improve your immune system, and reduce pain.
• Dad jokes can boost your creativity and intelligence. Making and understanding dad jokes requires you to use different parts of your brain, such as language, logic, memory, and humor. This can stimulate your neural connections and enhance your cognitive abilities. Dad jokes can also challenge you to think outside the box and find new ways to express yourself.
• Dad jokes can help you bond with your family and friends, especially if they share your sense of humor. Telling and listening to dad jokes can create a positive and playful atmosphere that can foster trust and intimacy. Dad jokes can also show your personality and make you more likable and approachable.

Conclusion

Dad jokes are a fun and easy way to make yourself and others laugh and smile. They are based on puns and wordplays that are intentionally corny or cheesy, but that's what makes them funny. You can create your own dad jokes by using synonyms, antonyms, rhymes, acronyms, common phrases, or wordplay. Dad jokes are good for your mental health and social relationships, as they can relieve stress, boost your mood, improve your creativity, and help you bond with your loved ones.

So next time you want to crack a joke, why not try a dad joke? You might get some groans or eye rolls, but you might also get some laughs and smiles. And remember, the worse the joke, the better the dad joke.